I Will Make Time For What Serves Me
You've gotta pay attention babe. You've gotta listen to yourself. Your inner man is always asking you for things. It might not be everyday. Maybe your soul is content most of the time.
Me? I ignore myself ALL THE TIME! Chris I'm thirsty, Chris you need a massage, Chris this bag is too heavy, Chris can you be still for like 20 minutes, Chris can you please go to sleep. Oh, I'm just awful to myself sometimes. But I learned something...
A few months ago, I left Hollywood. I told my mom that something was missing. I told her I was ready for marriage & acting. Yup. That's what I said. She was managing me at the time and I asked her not to book any events. I sold all of my things (ask me about that and we'll talk later if you want) and hopped on a plane to moms house. (Well mom & dads house). I headed to Target and got a bunch of cool onesie pajamas and laid out on the mattress in the guest room. I got quiet and told God, "Hey, listen. I've made a lot of mistakes and I haven't been listening. I'm really tired and I'm losing time. Here I am, as quiet as can be, asking that you fill my life with the desires you've given me. I've cleared my life. I've cleared my schedule. I've cleared my closet. I've made room. Fill me up."
Honey when I tell you He heard me? It was as if He was waiting for me to get empty.
I was re-united with & engaged to the man I love today less than a month later. I had to get quiet and empty enough to remember the love and the feelings I had for him. I got my first theatre acting/touring gig 3 months after that. And I've been happily in love, and playing principal roles in plays for an entire year... But I had to listen. I had to get quiet. I had to make room.
Listen. Taking the time to stop and look around as say, "This item isn't serving me anymore", takes courage. For me it was simple things. Shoes, clothing, Los Angeles at the time, my ex-boyfriend. Things and people that I loved dearly but just knew inside didn't serve my purpose. I let them go with the help of loving friends and family. My mother and father sheltered me in what I call "the secret place". (Take a look at a special excerpt in the Bibles book of Psalms chapter 91. It may resonate with you.) There I became filled with the visions and the ammunition to take my life back and shower it with the answers that were given to me when I emptied myself & laid down what didn't belong.
What, my friend, can you let go of? What no longer speaks to you? Is it an outfit you revert to that you don't feel beautiful in but you just put on because it's there? Is it that old lipstick that you stick in your bag for fashion emergencies but it's totally out of style? How about some music that you turn on, but doesn't really put you in a good mood? Or maybe it's a TV show you watch just to be apart of tomorrow's conversation when the truth is, you'd rather be building your new website... I had to let go of somethings. Maybe it's a person. Ouch.
Does that make my old life bad? Of course not. I still adore most of my exes and most of my shoes (that I sold on Poshmark). But for ME, walking away from what didn't serve my inner man, being brave enough to see what did and then offering those good things to myself with out judgement or fear of being judged, made me whole.
Loves of my life listen to me clearly. Serving yourself isn't selfish. It's the opposite. If you are brave enough to let go of what doesn't speak to you anymore, you are able to be of service to what does. Of service. That is your sacrifice... To be of service to what serves you.
Think about it.
I love you endlessly,
PS... There might be someone here who wants to dedicate their lives again or for the first time to the God I've come to know and love. Don't be afraid, I know it can be scary or embarrassing going before Him after making so many mistakes. You're not alone. I go to that place I mentioned, all the time. I'm human. Accepting Christ is my peace. I'm praying for you 💋 open up your heart ❤️ Make time.